You hear the craziest advice on radio some days. A woman on one of those vernacular radio stations dished out some incredible (literally) advice today. Her advice was directed to the ladies. She said today men can be easily expected to ‘marry’ even five wives if the number of women out there is to reduce. Good gracious! I couldn’t wait to hear her logic, her rationale for this wisdom – there was none. She went on to say that if a lady finds herself ‘loved’ by a man she should just accept him without a fuss because – here it comes- not many are capable of that ‘love’. So it does not matter if he’s got a wife already, or even wives, long as he professes his love the the both of you are good to go. Well I never! Honestly with the ease with which men proclaim love when they are simply after the cookie, I couldn’t believe this woman. And yet she seemed a regular guest on the station (I heard the programme during a taxi ride).
I tried to think of such a world, where women did not mind sharing men and even expected it as a given, but I really could not. Am still not sure how our moslem sisters deal with this, more power to them, because I for one don’t have it in me. ‘Cause what happens, he comes over to see me then after a while goes ‘hey I’ve got to leave now, Susan is waiting for me’ and I go ‘sure, bye’? Not in this universe. Really, ladies is that even possible! What would that feel like? Would there be this sisterly feeling between the sharing women – a bond formed from being married to the same man, or would it be a constant feminine battle to out-do each other, vye for the greatest portion of the man’s love? I think the latter. Unless of course one of the ladies married the guy for his money and doesn’t mind whether she has him or not, or if he loves her or not. Now that wouldn’t be a first.
On the other hand women everywhere discover all the time that they have been/are being cheated on, or here in Africa that they are not wife number 1, and some too late to even back out of the whole thing. So as I listened to this crazed woman advising women listening in to expect and accept to be one of five, in this era of STDs and low family incomes (what with this economy), I couldn’t help feeling that she must have been disillusioned at some point in life, by a husband perhaps that made it clear that she should not expect to be his only. That she had lost faith in what love and marriage should be, and was recruiting many more to her band wagon. Truly, because never in my life as a growing young African woman had any older woman prescribed such looseness. To go with whoever claims to love. A friend’s mother once said to have unbridled pity on men is to be a prostitute, but listening to that woman on radio makes me think times must be really changing. Or maybe I’m just plain old traditional. Or some women are just ‘more woman’ than others. Whatever that means.